📆 When did grabbing a coffee become a logistical nightmare?

Speaking with friends lately, there's a clear theme emerging: we are all socially exhausted. Not from socializing—God no, that would imply we’re actually seeing each other—but from the process of trying to.

Somewhere between lockdowns and lifestyle creep, our collective ability to make (and keep) plans fell apart like a gluten-free cake. Here’s a field guide to the species of scheduling dis-ease now running rampant in the wild.

📅 1. The Calendar Invite Bruncher

Gone are the days of “Let’s do brunch Sunday?” “Sure!”
Now? We’re sending iCal invites for a bagel and a mimosa.
Apparently, the inability to jot down a social engagement yourself is now a power move—or a sign of deep fear of a no-show.
Either way: if we need a formal invite for a friendly tennis game, I’m going to need a bottle of champagne and a notary present too.

📨 2. The 20-Text Tango

Ah yes, the contact who needs 20 back-and-forths to schedule a 30-minute coffee.
The ROI? Negative.
The worst variation? The EA gatekeeper who acts like you’re pitching her boss a timeshare in Scottsdale.
No, please, re-read the email—it’s a friendly chat. One you’ve now cancelled 10 times over 3 months and feels way less friendly.
Honestly, I’ve had breakups that were easier to process.

❌ 3. The Last-Minute Cancel Club

Some people use the phrase “Can’t make it, I have a medical appointment” like it’s a Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card.
Except... booking a doctor takes months now.
It’s not just a weak excuse—it’s a chronological paradox.
If I had a dollar for every reschedule in the past year, I’d have enough for a therapist to talk about how this makes me feel.

🧠 4. The “Soft-Circle” Sophisticate

New trend alert: “Let’s soft-circle that date.”
Translation: I want to see you… but not enough to actually commit to a time and place.
You’re the OpenTable reservation with no credit card on file—aka cancelable without consequence.
Except no. I do have options, and I don’t like turning down a great night out for a maybe.

🌀 5. The Overcommitted Octopus

You thought it was a cozy catch-up.
Turns out your friend has three overlapping events that night.
You’re one stop on their city-wide hop, a social layover en route to the real destination.
And you should’ve known—the one-hour calendar block was the red flag we all ignored.

⏰ 6. The “Always Late” Legend

You’re on time. They’re 20 minutes late. Again.
Funny how they’re never late when it’s someone who can help with their next promotion…
Apparently your time is elastic. Or disposable. Or just not worth as much.
(But hey, you got 20 minutes of alone time to reconsider your friendship. So, silver lining?)

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🗓️ 7. The Month-From-Now Meetup

Most of the invites these days?
For coffee in five weeks.
As a friend put it: “I feel lonely now, not in 21 business days.”
We’ve mistaken scheduling for connection—and it’s not working.

👻 8. The Ghost Whisperers

Then there’s the Scream-Then-Ghost crew:
They run into you, shriek like long-lost twins, swear you must catch up—
...and vanish into the mist when you actually follow up.
Was it real? Were you duped? Are you on a hidden camera show?

😬 So What’s Going On?

FOMO? Burnout? Career-first? Family-first?
Maybe.
But more than anything, we’ve lost our social graces.

And worst of all? I caught myself doing it.
After too many cancellations and soft circles, I started playing the same game.
But it felt... wrong.
Now I just ping the unreliable people spontaneously: “Free in the next hour?”
If yes—amazing. If no—no hard feelings.
It’s my version of no-strings-attached socializing.
Doesn’t work for everyone. But at least it’s honest.

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🤔 The Radical Idea: Expectation Management

One downgraded friend (sorry, “friendly contact”) admitted she avoids commitments because she doesn’t want anyone to expect anything from her.
I get it. Boundaries are healthy.
But hey—a heads-up would help.
At least let me know if you’re Tinder or e-Harmony when it comes to friendship.

🎬 Flashback Fix: Just Pretend It’s 1999

Next time you’re about to flake on plans, imagine it’s 1999.
You’re meeting at the movies at 2pm.
No phones. No last-minute texts. No iCal invites.
If you don’t show up? Your friend just waits. And you feel like a garbage human.
Amazing how we all made it work—on time, no excuses.

You can do it. I believe in you. Let’s bring back the lost art of showing up.

Now who’s in for brunch? No invite. Just be there. 😉

Peggy Van de Plassche is an Operating Partner in Private Equity with over 20 years of experience across financial services, healthcare, and technology. She partners with investment firms, boards, and portfolio company leadership to accelerate performance, drive operational transformation, and unlock long-term value.

Peggy specializes in executing complex value creation plans—from capital allocation and digital enablement to transaction advisory and leadership alignment. Her work bridges strategy and implementation, helping investors and operators boost EBITDA and maximize enterprise value.

A founding board member of Invest in Canada, Peggy also brings deep expertise in institutional capital deployment and public-private partnerships—critical levers for competitive advantage in today’s global landscape.

Her clients have included BMO, CI Financial, HOOPP, OMERS, GreenShield Canada, Nicola Wealth, and Power Financial.
Learn more at peggyvandeplassche.com.